A grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi
) is a box-shaped gap-toothed mammal known for eating humans, though more
This is not a Grue.
construction workers, a gerbil or two, the occasional monkey, people who send annoying chain e-mails, your pets, and...well, Grues like eating a lot of things. Grues are not often seen roaming the wilderness in herds, whistling old-time Irish songs, working on crossword puzzles, and calculating the amount of taxes owed by car salesmen. The reason Grues are not often seen doing anything is because grues live in total darkness, so the whole "seeing" thing would be kind of hard to do. The likelihood of being eaten by a grue is probably 100%.
There are an estimated 47 grues left in the United States today due to the Grue conservation program - luckily all grues are kept under heavy rocks, or locked away in abandoned biker bars. Of course, being creatures of darkness that tend to eat anything they can get within range of, these numbers are likely inaccurate, outdated, or simply made up by the same people who tell us that
This, however, is a LITERAL creature of darkness.
This is, however, RUN!
the world is gonna end.
The grue is a distant cousin of Domo.
How to kill a Grue[]
Grues cannot be killed with these[]
- Everything, but what grues can be killed by.
Grues can be killed with these[]
- Chuck Norris
Natural Habitat[]
Grues can be found in all the dark places of the world. One characteristic of Grues is that all of them contain an equal amount of treasure. Nobody knows for certain why this is so. The prevailing theory is that the presence of the treasure provides the Grues with a near-constant supply of adventurers to devour. An alternative theory reverses this relationship: since adventurers often carry treasures with them, and Grues cannot digest treasure, any treasure found in a Grue is one of its many meals.
Can you really eat Grues?[]
No, they eat you.
Grue Subspices[]
Apart from the common grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi ravenousi), there are many, less common types.
Russian Grue (Gruesomicius ravenonusi russianious)[]
The rare Russian Grue can be killed by almost anything, and is common prey for lawyers. When a Russian Grue reproduces with a regular Grue, it will create a cat. The reason for this is unknown to modern science.
Knight Grues (Gruesomicius ravenousi knightious)[]
Knight Grue
Old Grues, seen on the right, were sword using knights, who would (unlike today's Grues) offer mercy and be courteous as the victim was eaten, usually offering a quick and painless death. Old Grues liked to rescue damsels, but this became a problem when the Grue was unable to resist eating the damsel. This was very troublesome for Old Grues and damsels stopped calling for help, afraid they would be eaten by an Old Grue. Real knights were mad that they couldn't find any damsels anymore, so they took advantage of the Old Grues' mercy and killed them all.
Robot Grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi cyborgiaroboticiousia)[]
They come from the future, and only 7 have been spotted. You can kill them after thay have eaten you. By spitting inside of it.
Robot Grue
How to deal with a Grue[]
- Die
- Scream and die
- Scream, struggle and die
- Scream, struggle, run and die
- Scream, struggle, run, look at a picture and die.
- Read every line of this page in Italian, Grues love the Italian languge but they will still eat you.
- Build a sandcastle, this won't help at all and you WILL be eaten, but it's a fun activity
- Become friends with the Grue. THEN let it eat you.
- Sing one of Micheal Bolton's classic songs. Grues hate Michael Bolton. Of course they will still eat you, but you can have the satisfaction of having irritated a grue.
- Drink a glass of milk; 2.6% of grue are lactose intolerant, safe in the knowlege that the Grue will get sick when it finally gets round to eating you, which is very quickly.
- DON'T WANDER IN THE DARK!!! Alternativly, light your torch.
Some people recommend turning on the lights, as according to the legend this will cause the grue to 'melt away.' Clearly this course of action is futile and should not be undertaken by any means. For a start, it is impossible for a creature to 'melt away' on exposure to light; notwithstanding, the Great Ice Creature of Neptune. Furthermore, as shown by Darwin Watterson, only mutated Grues which can survive light will survive, and eventually only these mutated Grues will be left.
Grue and Other Names[]
Some also know grues as "Domo-kun", due to parody site Wikipedia's article on Domo-Kun, Domo is also a robot.